Blue
by TeaAndGlee
Summary: They say something snaps inside of you when you see someone die - but if what they say is true, she had already snapped a million times. There was nothing to snap left. Now, she was just numb.


**Bonjour! So, this is my first Supergirl fic. Let's hope it isn't CATastrophic badum tssss oh god this has already gotten off to a bad start**

 **This oneshot is set a few weeks after 'Strange Visitor From Another Planet', kind of disregarding 'Bizarro' etc., just because I had this written before the episode came out. I hope it gets you feeling the angst.**

* * *

They say something snaps inside of you when you see someone die. Watching their last moments as they recoil from the effects of what happened makes your chest tighten uneasily like the grip of a seatbelt jolting you back. The weight of their last words; their last breaths, makes you unable to hold yourself up. And something snaps inside of you. But doing what she did, she saw death flash before her like blinks. If what they say is true, she had already snapped a million times. There was nothing to snap left. Now, she was just numb. And he was just a number. And she was just someone who couldn't save him, out of the countless others she had saved.

The day after it had happened, her alarm clock had become an even more painful reminder that life still went on even when hers seemed to pause in place. Kara knew what time it was – she hadn't slept out of guilt, out of fear, out of respect. Occasionally, amongst the haze of the early hours, she would tune into the surrounding area with her super-hearing: laughs, cries, even screams of the people of National City would all interrupt the silence in her bedroom. She wanted to help the screams as if it would compensate for not being able to help him, but how could the hero of the city help people with a bloodstained cape?

She wore black to work, again, out of respect. She wondered if getting Cat her latte would make up for what had happened, or would even work at all to energise the woman at this point. Eventually deciding that her boss had come to expect it, she rushed to get one and spun back to work, trying not to let her quivering hand release the polystyrene cup, whilst trying not to let her overpowering physical strength get a hold of it either – especially when any other strength she had was compromised. Finally reaching her floor with the sweat in her knitted brows growing alongside trembling limbs, she managed to walk briskly into the space. Kara tried desperately to decode how she was going to be able to look at her. Her boss. His mother.

It was the first time Cat had skipped work, and yet, it was no one's right to be spiteful or malicious towards her actions. Instead of a pile of unfinished work at the woman's desk, flowers. Cards. Gifts. I'm sorry for your loss. We're thinking of you.

And then, as Kara's eyes settled on the sight, hopelessly impassive, another sound interrupted the swirling silence of her thoughts. The countless screens in the office began to depict the images she had been trying to erase from her mind. Everyone was just looking up at those screens. She forced herself to look away, but she could already feel her eyes well up with fresh tears.

She binned Cat's coffee and took to the roof to clear her head with the sounds of the city, but even that didn't help. Up there, she had shed her glasses and told her dearest who she really was – she had told them that she could finally be sure of her purpose in the world; of her identity. Now, no such promises could ever be made unless spat from a dishonest mouth. Now, she was just someone who couldn't help him. Now, she was powerless.

And as she made her way closer to the ledge subconsciously, the wind whistled through her ears and sent a chill erupting down her spine. It was trying to push her forward. In ways she couldn't fathom, she didn't protest – what was the point in falling anyway if her Kryptonian powers meant she would survive? Eventually, she came to step back and instead stood motionless, wrapping her arms around herself in the absence of anyone else, trying to protect herself from the news; praying it was another nightmare. But the television screens projected, and the reporters spoke, and the pictures of him showed.

And, finally, the scene replayed itself in Kara's head, no matter how many times she had attempted to lock it away somewhere she couldn't find.

" _You're amazing."_

 _Introverted as she ever was, not even he could interfere as she hid behind her blonde tresses, flowing easily over her beige coat. "God, would you stop saying that already?" Kara looked away instantly in a fluster, but Adam was still determined for his opinion to be broadcasted. He leered, raising an eyebrow at her and the way she would redden at every adoring comment. Someone as special as her didn't recognise that she saw the good in everyone around her but herself. He hoped one day he could get the chance to show her, if she would only let him._

 _The two walked past the towering buildings that added character to the skyline of National City, and huddled in the cold amongst the nightlife around them on the avenue. Kara had promised that she would show him all the best spots to eat around the city before he left, and when she had made this promise over tonight's dinner – another successful date – he had agreed astoundingly. Yet, the idea still thudded in her brain that soon, he would have to leave – besides, he wasn't from here, and had only come initially because she had sent him that letter as Cat. Really, his being with her was just the after-effect of a prolonged stay. Kara bit her lip apprehensively as the reality sunk in, turning to him and seeing that he was still looking at her like artwork. She grinned, but still remained nervous. "So, um… when are you staying until?"_

 _He smiled and puffed a short exhale through his nose, focusing his gaze on their feet walking next to each other on the pavement and their hands intertwined. "I think I'm gonna stick around for a little while longer, I don't know."_

 _Kara raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "If I recall correctly, you said that last week."_

" _What, are you trying to get rid of me, Danvers?" Adam smirked, his brown eyes glimmering amongst the streetlights mysteriously. Their intertwined hands swung loosely between their bodies._

" _Wh-? No, of course not!" The blonde girl giggled and impulsively fixed her glasses on her face, casting her eyes down before looking up at the man's current state: a mix between bewilderment and comprehension. She huffed. "I… I guess I'm just… confused. You put everything on hold to come to National City and now, everything's sorted out, right? I- I mean, it's probably your mom, but…" Her eyes flickered back to him. "A guy like you doesn't just stick around for someone like me."_

 _That comment forced him to halt his steps and lead them both further into the pavement, out of the way of passers-by. He made her face him, not with force, but with implications. "Kara. Look at me."_

 _Something about the way this intensity within him flickered on so suddenly made her afraid by what was to follow, but those cerulean eyes eventually fixed onto his deep brown gaze. Typically, she would now attempt to laugh the matter off to try and escape it, and it was no different this time; her eyes creased at the corners as she smiled surreptitiously. "What?"_

 _But his gaze didn't falter, only grew softer as time went on between them. He took her other hand as their linked fingers swung loosely at their sides. "You need to give yourself some credit."_

 _She lifted an eyebrow, shaking her head as the corners of her mouth twitched, threatening another grin. "No, I don't. I'm no different to anyone else. And I don't want you to "stick around" if it means putting your life on hold for me, Adam. I'm not worth that-"_

" _But you are." The tall man insisted nonchalantly in a way that obviated any other words, and he took her silenced mouth as a plea for him to continue. "And I know I originally came here for my mom, but I found you here too, and you're not like people at home. You're this caring, smart, understanding person. And I'm having a great time with you. Why would I want to leave now and screw this up?"_

 _Kara shuffled uncomfortably under his words, knowing that he deserved better and could easily find it, especially now he was Cat Grant's son. "But you have to leave eventually. And if you stay now, it'll just be harder for the both of us when you leave later." When his ardent gaze ultimately shifted from her and to the side, threatening to burn out completely at her words, she gained courage at last and followed it. "I really like you, Adam. But you left your whole world behind."_

" _Yeah, but…" He finally managed to look away and to the ground; to their hands and feet. He shook his head slightly as if to rid himself of the thoughts that their relationship could be permanent. He was being foolish, and it always seemed to be her who reminded him of this. Maybe this time, though, she was wrong. Maybe they could shuffle things around and find a way. He raised his head up from where it hung in defeat as a smirk splayed across his features. "But what if I prefer this one?"_

 _Her eyes became crescent moons and she exhaled hopelessly into a grin, looking down and at him again, as if throughout all the timidity he was some kind of saving grace. And so, her sapphire eyes remained on him; remained as he drew even closer, agonisingly slowly, and enveloped her completely in a drawn-out kiss. Once they had parted at last, it was Kara who brushed their noses softly against each other and reached, on tiptoes, to steal another._

 _But the moment was far too perfect. And in Kara's world, there was a law against prolonged bliss._

" _Good evening, Supergirl. I'm so sorry to interrupt your night." Kara heard a male voice echoing through her ears and into her head, as if she was super-hearing subconsciously. Her eyes grew wide as she averted her gaze down, so Adam couldn't see that she was experiencing something. Agonising white noise crept into the voice and made her head throb dully, aching as she fought the urge to let go of Adam's hands and clutch it. She recognised the voice instantly and gritted her teeth. "Oh, am I hurting you? Maybe it's because I've found a frequency that only you can hear, and have broadcasted it, thus tapping into your hearing capabilities. Don't question it, Supergirl, it's all…_ technology _."_

 _Kara winced against the pain, knowing instantly it must be Maxwell Lord who broke into her like this. She tried to pay attention to the rest of what he had to say amongst the discomfort, but her abrupt movements had caught the attention of the man in front of her. "Kara? Are you okay?"_

 _She opened her mouth to speak, but it was as if Maxwell Lord could sense it: "I'll be on the grounds. Oh, and I suggest you come alone. Three's a crowd here, Supergirl."_

" _What's wrong?" Adam persisted, releasing her hands from his grasp and taking her arms instead._

 _She finally turned back to him, heart pounding in shock. "Y-Yeah, yeah… I just…" She breathed, looking into his eyes, now filled with concern for her. She frantically considered how to escape. "I… just remembered… I had to help Alex with something. I'm so sorry." She gasped hurriedly into the air. "I'll see you later, okay? I'm so sorry."_

" _Hey, it's fine." Adam dismissed, though confused by her sudden, shaky movements. Before he could kiss or hug her goodbye, she was out of his grasp and running into the next avenue – but the way to her apartment wasn't down that avenue, and out of pure curiosity over her, he followed unsurely._

 _He hadn't taken more than a few steps down the dark alleyway when he was captured._

 _Kara scanned the city from above, now donned proudly in her 'S', afraid but determined. Finally identifying Maxwell Lord in a corner of Lord Technologies with her superhuman vision, her eyes narrowed in fury as she swooped onto the grounds and landed effortlessly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Alright, what do you want?"_

 _Standing perfectly straight with his hands in his pockets amongst the silent grounds around them, he looked ever-menacing – ever-arrogant – but Kara was naïve still and hell-bent on defeating him. He chuckled. "You've really mastered your flight technique, Supergirl. Tell me, is there someone on the inside helping you out now? Maybe, someone like you?"_

 _But his taunting didn't faze her. "What do you want with me tonight?" She persisted._

" _What I've wanted every other night. I want to know your identity." Max breathed ominously, taking his hands out of his tailored pockets._

 _The unwavering woman before him chuckled. "And what makes this different to every other night, when I've told you to go to hell?"_

" _Wow. National City's favourite cheerleader is getting a bit feisty now, isn't she?" The man sneered. "Nothing's different. But I'm sure this time you'll give me what I want."_

" _Oh, yeah?" Kara stepped forward maliciously, her voice lower in tone. "Why?"_

" _Because this time, I have props." He spoke mysteriously, pulling out a jet-black gun from his pocket._

 _Kara sniggered mockingly. "And I have bulletproof skin. What else?" Lord smirked as he walked over to a storage unit nearby. Kara braced herself for a monster; an army inside. She shuffled in anticipation. "I thought we agreed to settle this between us. You wanted me alone, remember?" Kara tore her arms away from where they overlapped over her chest and clenched her fists at her sides._

 _Maxwell turned around to see her new pose of self-defence. "Oh, there will be no need for that." The brown-haired man scrutinised her through his eyebrows as he finally opened the storage unit. "He's just a friend I picked up."_

 _He. Maxwell Lord pulled their visitor out and threw him onto the ground, where his barely conscious exterior slumped forlornly. His face was covered, but Kara's chest grew tight and her stomach sank into oblivion at the thought of who it could be. No, it couldn't be him. She had left him safe a mere ten minutes ago. It wasn't him. It couldn't be him._

 _Max retrieved the body wilting on the floor and held his face up, though Kara's sneaking suspicions had already determined an identity. And she wasn't wrong. He had a split lip and what looked to be a concussion, and yet, she couldn't show care towards him tonight. She couldn't reveal that he was a significant person to her and thus expose herself to Maxwell Lord. But it proved difficult, as Max put that gun, black as night, to his cut temple. So her breathing hitched. Max smirked. "I have a few strong theories as to who you are under that cape, Supergirl. Care to enlighten me now?"_

" _No." She dismissed strongly, though her lip threatened to quiver at the sight of Adam's drowsy state. His eyes gradually grew wider at the sight of National City's heroine. If only he knew._

" _Well, why don't you look at it this way: I kill him, and that's one person you couldn't save. And then I'll keep going, and going, and going… and one day, it'll be someone you love. Not even an alien can bounce back from a loss that big. And then, I'll know who you are. So, you can save a few lives and tell me, or you can watch this innocent man die. Your choice." The man ended on a smirk as pleasing as his exterior, but as ruthless and deadly as the actions he suggested. Adam now attempted to writhe free in his grasp, to no avail as the man above him only gripped his hands harder behind his back, making him groan in agony._

 _Kara gritted her teeth against his disgusting, cruel words and tried not to wince at the sounds of vulnerability that echoed across the grounds. "You're all talk. Only a coward hides behind bodies. And you're not a coward, are you, Mr. Lord?" Apparently, this offered more humour than it did a surrender, so she persisted. "We can settle this, just us. You don't need to kill an innocent man to get what you want from me. We can find another way." Near the end, she pleaded, watching as Adam looked at her with helplessness and awe-filled brown eyes, as if she was the nation's favourite celebrity._

 _But in the end, something clicked. It was strange how all of a sudden, Maxwell's eyes grew defeated and shied away from the both of them. He opened his mouth to speak, but it seemed like no words would suffice. His hand drooped from where the gun was held on Adam's head. "You're right. This isn't like me. I don't need to hurt other people to get what I want." The borderline-conscious man on the floor blinked in shock and disbelief of his abductor's surrender. Soon, Maxwell finally let go of his hands, nudging him towards Supergirl. The victim looked up with hopeful eyes, managing to stand up and hobble over as Kara grinned at the thought that she had put an end to all of this. Maxwell Lord had been defeated for now – and not by a battle, but by words. Finally, a villain as cunning as him had been conquered-_

" _I don't need to hurt other people…. I just need to hurt you, Kara Danvers."_

 _And yet, with all the same powers as Superman, she was helpless to what happened next. Adam fell into her arms – not with release, not with gratitude, but with pain. With defencelessness. A bullet through the back as he limped towards her. It had all been a trick._

 _Kara cawed in comprehension of it all as she caught him, watching as the man she called her greatest enemy on earth sneered provocatively at the man she could have called her boyfriend. His eyes menacingly travelled to her. Her eyes widened. He knew her identity, somehow. And now, Adam had been shot. Guessing her thought-process, he delighted in confirming the news. "Oh, and tell your sister I say "hi" while she's washing the blood off your costume. It would be swell to have dinner with her again sometime. It's a shame about your friend, though. He was just your type. And I'd say, with a wound like that... he might die in a matter of minutes."_

 _She felt Adam's heaving breaths against her skin and watched as Maxwell Lord walked back into the building. He was a coward. He shot Adam. It wasn't happening._

 _So she grabbed him and flew, because she couldn't think of anything else that would mend the situation now. They were safely out of Lord Technologies' grasp, for now, but as Kara cradled Adam like a defenceless child, she couldn't help the overwhelming throbbing across her whole body. She could feel herself threatening to snap once again, but she couldn't let it happen. He was alive._

 _They landed in an abandoned parking lot somewhere outside the city, as Kara quickly initiated a phone call for the ambulance, telling them of their whereabouts in a fluster before an abrupt goodbye. She sat down on the tarmac and laid Adam's head on her lap. He was struggling for breath, but through his squinting eyes, he managed to smile. "Supergirl…"_

 _She tried to smile at him as her eyes began to flood uncontrollably. "Adam… it's me. Kara. You're gonna be okay, I promise. I won't…" Her voice cracked as he smiled delicately up at her, and she shut her eyes as a few tears slipped down her pale cheeks. "I won't leave you, okay?"_

" _You're her?" He murmured in-between hitched breathing as she frantically grabbed her cape and scrunched it up, holding it tightly against his back, which was bleeding wrathfully. His eyes watered from the pain, but he wasn't groaning or wincing. He was letting it happen. But she wouldn't._

" _Yeah, I'm her." She sniffed, her breathing growing irregular as he blinked slowly up at her. He smiled weakly again. She broke into new, fresh, silent tears. "We're gonna get you out of here, alright? You're going to be okay. I need you to be okay, Adam. Please… h-hold on for me, please…"_

 _Adam spluttered in response and groaned as Kara desperately pressed her cape harder to his wound. Her limbs quivered out of control as he tried to sit up, but fell back into her lap. She looked around them for a second, as if not looking at him meant that it wasn't happening. All around them was silence. There were a few abandoned cars and an old discarded building, but apart from that, only the vague swirling sounds of cars on the highway broke the silence in between his strangled breaths and her gasping ones. A frail voice made her look back down. "You always looked good in blue." He managed to grin._

 _Somehow, the situation made her cries look like laughs as he said that, but she was encircled in the trauma of losing him, when only minutes before she had been encircled in his passionate touch. It wasn't happening. "I wore blue when you first asked me out, remember?" Kara's throat bobbed uneasily as she clenched her jaw in anger of what was happening. She tried to battle the tears again, but being strong emotionally wasn't on the lengthy list of powers she possessed. She needed to motivate him to hold on, but she couldn't think of anything to say anymore. She just begged him to stay. It wasn't happening._

" _I remember." He said, eventually, and she impulsively drew one hand away to rake through his trimmed brown hair, down his face, to his chest. She let out a yelp louder than all the other cries. His eyes were desperately trying to shut._

" _No." She demanded. "Adam, come on, please…" She lifted her other hand from the cape, dismissing the smeared blood over it, and offered it to him. "Squeeze my hand, as hard as you can. Please." He groaned in lifting his arm and grabbed Kara's pale fingers, clutching them as tightly as possible amongst the harsh situation. "That's it. Come on, please, just keep squeezing my hand." But it began to prove difficult as Kara spurred him on, begging for him to stay with her. His eyes tried to close again. She told him to hold her hand harder. He smiled up at her as a tear slid from his brown-eyed gaze. His pupils rapidly dilated. She told him to keep his hand on hers, to never let go, to stay with her. Earlier, she had told him that he had left his world to be with her. He had told her that he preferred her world. Now, he was leaving them both at once._

 _Adam's body grew rapidly tenser and his breathing shorter, as if he was trying to hold back another breath; as if he was trying, in vain, to prevent his last. But finally, his body deflated. His hand went slack on Kara's. He breathed out, but not back in again. Never back in again._

 _And as his head rolled slightly to the side, his eyes still open like he was preserved forever in the torturous pain, she had no words to say. No words of positivity, no words of heroism, no words to fix a corpse. His body was still warm._ _She could feel herself trying to snap. She was numb. It wasn't happening._

 _It wasn't happening as she finally surrendered to the suffering, screaming and crying with his blood on her cape. It wasn't happening as her pale fingers curled in distress over his body. It wasn't happening as he remained motionless even with all of her tears watering him like he was a plant, fresh in death, but unable to be saved. She was raining on him. Raining turned into streams. Streams turned into waterfalls. It wasn't happening._

 _The red and blue lights of police cars and ambulances ambushed onto the scene, finally introducing a noise that wasn't Kara's screams. "He's already dead." She trembled into her crimson hands. The ambulance tried to take him away, but Kara refused to stand up and watch him being put in a bag, as if he was an object. He was a person. Minutes ago, he was breathing. He was squeezing her hand._

She felt the breeze on the roof of CatCo like it was yesterday in the parking lot, and heard the voices of the people that came to help, but were too late. They told her that she did all she could have done, butshe couldn't believe their lies. She could have done so much more. Adam could still be alive. Cat could still be in the office. Cat would still have another son. Kara's ocean eyes wouldn't have turned red and lost in complexity.

When the police had asked her if she saw who did this, she had said no. She was preoccupied as they took his lifeless body away. His blood was smeared on her. Her cape was stained with an entirely new shade of red. Maxwell Lord knew the woman underneath that cape, and no one would believe her now when she accused the city billionaire of murder. For fear of what was next, she had told them no. Now, she had to face his wrath alone. Adam was only someone she had known for a few weeks – now, Maxwell Lord had the power to target all of the people she loved. It made another fresh tear turn itself away from her eye.

And so she curled up as much as possible whilst still standing, giving into her tears whilst she still could – when Cat returned, she would have to calm down – she'd be a mess too, she needed to remember that. _Selfish Kara, It was her son. It's not like you knew him all that well._ It _was_ her son. You _knew_ him. Even tenses were against her sanity. Having relived it all, amongst all things, she decided bizarrely that her clothing was wrong – she should have worn blue if she wanted to honour him and the relationship that the two of them had, not black. She went back into the building, passed Winn with drowning red eyes, and told him that she was going home. She read that he had figured everything out. What was there to figure out, though? Adam's last breath was with her, she felt him leave, and was helpless to stop him fading. The whole city knew that Supergirl was powerless last night.

* * *

Kara couldn't curl up on the couch in remorse, or nestle herself within a blanket to repair herself – not when she was feeling so empty, so misplaced, so numb. She walked around her apartment for hours, staring emotionlessly into the open space as she remembered him. She thought about making herself some tea, until she remembered that he liked to drink it as well – it would be like stealing parts of him, when she had already stolen too much. Why didn't she fly to the hospital? Maybe they could have saved him there. She chose to fly away from it all, but not somewhere useful. She was useless. She was the reason Adam didn't turn up to the office to have lunch with his mom that day. She was the reason he didn't pass her desk on the way out and kiss her on the cheek. She was the reason.

She had nestled herself in a blanket of self-hatred instead now, and was once again trying to cradle herself to avoid the chill of it all, when someone opened the door. They slid through the doorframe as if the entire building and all who were inside it were made of porcelain. "Hey."

She glanced over with dead pupils at the woman who had entered. "How did you know I would be home?"

"Just a hunch." Alex looked down into her hands, then up at the fragile woman before her. For once, there was nothing she could say to fill the cracks. "I saw the news." Her words offered more knowledge than the news reporter did, though. She knew who had done this to Adam.

Kara looked down into her folded arms and nodded solemnly, feeling her eyes turn to glass. She grew bitter, not at the sister who was reaching out, but at the fact that she couldn't protect her anymore. "If you came to tell me "I told you so" for taking on Maxwell Lord by myself, I'd rather you left now. Not really in the mood, you know?"

Alex exhaled in deflation at her sister's words, walking over to where she stood, trying to stroke her arm. "No, Kara… Of course I didn't come here to-"

Kara tore her arm away from the brunette's grasp, drawing back and glaring at her in disgust. "Why are you comforting _me_? _He_ was the victim and I couldn't save him! I'm a murderer!" She spat, fuming at herself, thinking that maybe if she could just push Alex away then she would be safe; that she wouldn't be Maxwell Lord's next target.

But even with spiteful, anguish-filled words, Alex wouldn't let Kara brand herself a monster. "Kara, you're not a murderer. You tried to save him, but you can't save everyone – you need to remember that. Sometimes…" Alex trailed off as her sister's lip began to quiver and her limbs shook, tormenting her. "Sometimes it's just too late."

Kara couldn't believe her words. They sounded foreign, unbelievable, incomprehensible in her brain. She couldn't decode the concepts they offered. She fought against her quivering bottom lip as she huffed, and another tear escaped from her red, glassy eye. She looked down at her hands – the ones he held, the ones he would make warm – and remembered how a crimson curse was smeared over them yesterday. She closed her eyes as more tears fled in alarm. "I should have known what was coming. But I was naïve, and instead I watched the man that I- I watched him die in my arms. I felt him leave me, Alex. I couldn't do anything to help this time. He was looking at me like he always did, and then…" Kara's breathing had grown hitched, like his had been, and her voice had grown from a remorseful cry to a frightened whisper at the words. "And then he was… gone…"

This came as Alex's invitation as she apprehensively took the necessary steps to embrace the broken pieces of her sister. Kara tried to reciprocate, but something about the current situation made her afraid to touch, as if anything she laid a finger on would perish. They remained like that for minutes, Alex letting Kara cry, Kara letting herself cry, but not allowing herself the luxury of enjoying it. Even long after it had been washed off, she still felt his warm blood drying up the skin on her fingers. The broken pieces broke themselves in half.

Hours had blurred into one, but somehow they found themselves on the couch. Kara was nursing the hands he had held, in his absence. She spoke monotonously. "I need to get away."

Alex turned to the uncharacteristic voice next to her. "Kara…"

She dismissed the protest instantly and persisted with a weary voice. "National City never needed me in the first place. What good is Supergirl when all she does is watch people die?" The blonde dared to face her sister with bloodshot eyes, letting her see the imperfections that less than twenty-four hours had caused. "He knows my identity now, Alex. And he's going to target everyone I love, he's- he's going to target you! Adam was a test-run. He knows who I am, Alex…"

"Kara… this is exactly what he wants. He wants to prove that without your identity, you're powerless. But you're not. The city still needs you to support them, even now, when you can barely support yourself. And I know that sounds scary, but… you need to prove that Adam didn't die in vain; that he was always a part of something greater. I know you can't bring him back, but…" Kara inhaled deeply at her words, trying to compose herself at her sister's painful reminder. Alex persevered nonetheless. "You can give him the justice he deserves – the justice you never got to give him in the parking lot."

And after all that had happened from a harmless dinner date to squeezing his hand for dear life, the least he deserved was justice. So she spent the next few hours planning with Alex on how to take down and expose the man who hurt him, once and for all. Pain would still surge through her veins as she remembered all that had happened last night, but eventually, the pain would turn to determination. Over time, she began to feel as though she would be able to look at Cat again and comfort her, rather than feel overwhelming guilt. Alex would reassure Kara when the pain got too much again; she would remind her that with a wound that fatal, not even flying to a hospital would have helped him, and he would have died amongst clinical chaos and blinding lights instead of dying with her there, at dusk, as peaceful as possible in the morbid situation. Kara would repeat that amongst her aching thoughts until she no longer felt his release on her skin. Then, things would be better.

So, in the early hours, when Kara still couldn't force her mind to rest, Alex would stay up with her amongst the haze until the silence wasn't so unbearably uncomfortable. And eventually, after what felt like an eternity stuck in darkness, she could finally embrace his favourite colour instead: she was living in blue, but at least she no longer lived in his crimson. Alex reminded her of the man Adam was, not the lifeless body which lay motionless in the parking lot. "I remember when you two first met at Noonan's. He couldn't take his eyes off you – followed you 'round like a puppy. You remember that?"

And although it stung, the timid grin that was only reserved for him returned and spread to her features, until her dull eyes became sapphires again. "I remember."

* * *

 **I've never written major character death* before. Would not recommend.**

 **Love you all tremendously,**

 **-Beth/ jennoists xx**

 ***(or should I say KARActer death badum tsss okay bye)**


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